Pinned post

I saw someone refer to DUNKIRK as a masterpiece so I’m officially off twitter for the rest of the day.

MAN: doc i'm so depressed
DOCTOR: listen, they're doing an anniversary screening of Goodfellas, you should go see it, Joe Pesci is in it, he's very funny, it will cheer you righ--
MAN: funny how
DOCTOR: wh--
MAN: how is he funny
MAN: funny like a clown, is he a clown to you, what the fuck is so funny about him, tell me what's so fuckin' funny

Ok there is WAY too much Discourse here today, what the fuck, this isn’t Twitter

woke: me, one morning, apparently with the confidence to juggle glass wine bottles on demand at a friend’s (indoor) party

broke: wine bottle

joke: not this post

modern day Seinfeld! Kramer wants to keep politics out of video games. Elaine doesn't have health insurance. None of them can afford to live in New York. George survives by taking little bites out of the Door Dash meals he's delivering.

listening to my favorite classic rock band, The White Stripes

happy juneteenth! give you money to black people! 🖤​

It's Juneteenth! Lesser known African American history /1 Show more

(I continue to waffle about whether heterosexuals are even real.)

Usually I try to keep my mouth shut about straight people existing but...seriously maybe your queer ass just hasn’t met your Lynette yet:

and I don't want the world to see me
'cause I don't think that they'd understand
when everything's meant to be broken
oh no, what's that curled monkey's hand?

only accessing mastodon.hacker from my proxy wall on my tor browser, using the name "computrluvr00101101" and never posting selfies, and if anyone asks me how i'm doing i answer "i'm not going to doxx myself, sorry".

for the OPSEC

thiccarus flew away, but the clap of his fat ass cheeks alerted the sun and caused his wings to melt

I’m a real sad sack of shit, please boost!

MtF: Male to Forest
FtM: Female to Moss

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Friend Camp

The decentralized web is about trust. You should only join Friend Camp if you personally trust Darius Kazemi with your social media data. You probably only have that level of trust if we are IRL friends or have been internet friends for a long time. Generally speaking this is a small, closed community. In the end, Darius is the arbiter of what is allowed here. If you don't have a good idea of the kind of behavior that flies with Darius, again, you probably shouldn't join this instance. In the interest of specificity, we do have a code of conduct and privacy policy which you should read.

Friend Camp features several modifications that were requested by our users.

  • you can log in via any subdomain, which means you can log in to multiple accounts in the same browser session (for example, log in once on and then as another user on
  • they are no longer called "toots", they are now "posts"
  • if you have a locked account and you get a follow request, a reminder appears under your "post" button (on normal Mastodon mobile it is otherwise buried in a sub-menu and you might not see it for a long time)
  • the emoji dropdown is a neutral smiley face instead of the cry-laughing smiley
  • @mentions are rendered as "@user" for a Friend Camp user and "@user@domain" for remote users. This helps clear up when you follow two people who have the same username on different servers.
  • there is a "never ask me again" checkbox on the confirmation for clearing your notifications -- more info here
  • images in a CW'ed post are collapsed behind the CW. When you expand the CW, you can see the whole image immediately. more info here
  • When an mp3 link is in a post, we also embed an inline mp3 player. git commit here
  • 500 characters of profile text git commit here, requested by @deerful

Important Bit from the Privacy Docs

If you want decent privacy (the info doesn't leave this server), the only way to do that is to set your account to private, only accept friend requests from other users, and only ever @ mention other users. Once you start talking to people on other servers, all bets are off. Any private message you send to someone on another server could be looked at by the admin of a different server. This is kind of like email: if you are on a private email server, and you send an unencrypted email to a gmail account, congrats, Google now has the content of that email. But also, you do this every day, so, hey. The internet!

Our beautiful icon is based on photo3idea_studio from, licensed CC 3.0 BY. It has been modified by!