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Just saw this headline: "Salad Dressing Recalled in 26 States"

Now imagining an article that is 26 interviews:

"Ummm... yeah I remember salad dressing. That's the liquid you put on salad to lubricate and flavor the leaves, right?" - A man from Nevada

etc etc

Alternately it's interviews with one person in 26 different mental states. States of matter? Idk

· · Web · 9 · 3 · 42

@darius 1. liquid
2. solid
3. gas
4. SUBSCRIBE TO SEE MORE

@darius "Physics baffled at new states of matter discovered in salad dressing. Recalls issued"

@darius you're telling me a salad recalled in 26 stated this?

@aparrish @darius 2026, 2 years after the Great Fall: "Why, I remember when you could look upon the face of Paul Newman and it was like you could hear his words straight from his mouth: '100% profits to charity'"

@darius oh, sure. back in aught-nine is when i first tried the sesame-shiitake, and let me tell you, salad ain't been the same since.

@darius or it's an interview to 26 people of different countries recalling how the famous Mx.Salad used to put up their complicated outfit every day (a process in 12 steps)

@darius I'm just enjoying the implication that the other 24 states have such lax food safety standards that they just let people eat poisoned salad dressing

@darius kids these days don't appreciate a good salad dressing. on account of the Internet

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