i am the last living representative of the Much Music viewership; george stroumboulopoulos chases me across the tundra and shoves a rebreather in my mouth so i can host his new live instagram channel and talk about music and stuff i like on the internet.

shaq is teaching a class on geography when suddenly 600 coins appear in his pockets. there's a beat, and then he awkwardly shuffles away at speed.

playing a game that's like stardew valley only massively multiplayer and much, much more cynical about domestic labour under capitalism. character portraits and dialogue presented as in fritz lang's Metropolis.

first i had a series of dreams of my home town, my family.
then a dream where i was chosen to play Robin in a stand-alone film; i played him with a scottish accent, found a terrible criminal, beat the shit out of him b/c the cops weren't going to, then ran from the police.
in the next dream my brother confronted me for my use of violence, then i went back through all the prior dreams and, in a fury, excoriated all innocent bystanders who refused to witness the injustices in the world.

John C Reilly was an alien bug disguised as an fbi agent and let a giant cockroach into my apartment prior to the main insect invasion; as i ran out into the street the air was alive with a distant buzzing.

a very dangerous night.
- walking through a hostile brooklyn neighbourhood (though we found a kitten shrine)
- in a beautiful national park, running away from a surging flash flood
- a fun open-world game, a mix of thief, winback, and mgs. i'm discovered, chased, cornered, and kira nerys rescues me.

i can't, like, draw, but the kitten shrine looked something like this, down the stairs in an alleyway behind an abandoned playground.

in the Prey universe, exploring a midcentury modern complex, shooting mimics made of clay.

a woman i'm crushing on is posted in the military, in the campground i visit often. i take pictures of tall grasses shorn evenly in half. i meet the woman. we, well. the next day, she's several months pregnant. i visit the campsite but a dark & terrifying tornado hits. i hide under a coffee table from my parents' place; she is swept away. the storm clears, i want coffee, am (as usual) disappointed there's only tim hortons.

what i'm saying is it's good that therapy starts again tomorrow.

followed up with a dream in my childhood home of 20 years~

we were having our christmas party with several guests; the dining room was full of life and movement, the kitchen was a wreck. the latter bothered me more than anything so i left and walked around my neighbourhood, wondering – within the dream – how this dream recapitulated my life, my therapy, the art that i consume/want to make. returning home, only my mum was left in the empty house, she noticed i looked tired and angry.

i somehow devised a fully-functional doom .wad... only one level, but some new monsters (squishy blue spiders), new weapons (tbf just a different plasma rifle), and a tense, close-quarter ambush & cyberdemon encounter. my mind was accurately tracking all the enemies and i think in the end i was able to de-escalate the cyberdemon.

watching the first ever simpsons halloween episode. homer j simpson / philip j fry is dead, and we watch as he gradually descends into an interminable, barren sadness as the empty house around him, his only haunt, all that he cares about, endures into a desolate, dusty, lonely eternity.

i'm babysitting baby me in my family's old house. i turn my back for one second and i'm climbing on the dishwasher to sneak some cookies.

i get a kickstarter update that my friend backed a game called Knights of Lombardy.

that's basically it, but now that i'm awake i really want to know what that game is.


~dream~ (lewd) 

[my crew of mercs and i have been working the Facebook Mines for months. after striking it big, we throw a massive celebrity-rich party at a monastery. now, as Sophia Loren, i desperately want out of this life.]

me, approaching a monk: "i'll give you $25,000 and a handjob to get me out of here."
[slow, disappointed head shake]
"ok fine," he reluctantly accepts.

~ dream ~ 

in one dream, i see my coworkers; they've been to a party i wasn't invited to. i avert my gaze.
in another, i see my childhood buddies. they've just come back from swimming with frogs in a dark swamp. i try it but end up surfing massive waves down st.-laurent street.

~ dream ~ 

last night i had one of the most terrifying dreams i've ever experienced. and then i had it again.

~ dream ~ 

in one dream i was talking with ben sisko's sad ghost; in another a british mp came into my house uninvited to have a chat; in another joe biden came into my coffee shop to rap about how good he is at doom (1993). if you were wondering where i'm at.

~ dream ~ 

i'm tearing through the snow-blind countryside in a low-riding racer, while off in the stormy darkness clusters of howling tornadoes are hungrily chasing me down.

cf. 🐦🔗

(also jonesing on forza horizon, and listening to and white zombie's Black Sunshine)

~ anxiety dreams ~ 

* nuclear brinkmanship
* trapped in falling elevator
* active shooter

making games is emotionally taxing.

~ dreams ~ 

it's all very vague. a back-alley surgery, mistaken identity, gang violence, nuclear war, old friends i'd abandoned, a nice dog that gave me a hug.

~ dreams ~ 

in one i'm running around a manor house in the rain, all outbuildings are different social areas of my life. down a dark garden path an invisible hand bangs on a gate. i approach and the vampire reveals himself, ready for me. i'm so scared i wake up in chills.

~ dreams ~ 

in another, i'm in a tube ride recreating the mechanics of GoldenEye (N64) in the water plant of INFRA. i'm goofing off, faking explosion noises, taking people's charts, knocking one guy's desk over. i read his name, Manch Unicorm Hummingbird [sic], and wake up laughing.

it's been a strange night.

~ dreams ~ 

i've heard you're not supposed to be able to read in dreams but i was just lost in "little albania" in montréal east and the street signs very clearly put me at the corner of Groundchocolate Peppermint and Cleu.

~ dream ~ 

played an open-source train & bike simulator; the game used OpenStreetMap data and allowed user content à la Second Life to provide remarkably detailed train tracks and bike paths that the player could ride anywhere in the world.

~ dream ~ 

trying to solve a side puzzle in a myst-like wherein something like a table-sized, wooden cosmic calculator (antikythera-like?) is used to triangulate the location and time of supernovae to locate a rogue planet. couldn't stop thinking about it until i noticed the figure in the hallway.

~ dream [death mention] ~ 

"In memoriam: Prof. Maximilian Rafsmussen, whose brilliant work in Australia changed the way we understand the Earth of 200,000 BCE. He showed that there was no Polar Frontier; that people had begun reclaiming the volcanoes from which they had sprung; & he unearthed the legendary Bone Seed, an ankle bone larger itself than an entire Brontosaurus and proof of prehistoric megafauna of unimaginable scale. The Professor died this week under mysterious circumstances."

~ dreams ~ 

in the next dream, kirk, spock, and i were captured by Mexican special forces; in the dream after that, i attended a Nigerian wedding at my old high school.

it's been a busy night.

~ dreams ~ 

just dreamt that what my brain labeled "a woman from mastodon" was crashing at the apartment and in the middle of the night (so, presently) required emergency dental work; i gave my dentist's number in mile end but they were full.

only later, while i was trying to pee surreptitiously near a church, did i realise there's a place in a rickety old walkup near work downtown, possibly near or at Cheap Thrills, a second-hand bookstore.

so, whomstever needed that info, there it is.

~ dream ~ 

i'm walking near parc lafontaine but construction has excavated under the street & the ground is buckling under me. i enter a familiar house but it's like a ride or a kids movie & the walls start splitting apart; a slide opens under me into the unknown & i fall, at first i say "i've been here before," but i see something downslope and start screaming in terror.


i'm backstage at an awards show, slightly tipsy. on the news they're showing an asteroid like ryugu, only colorful and larger than the KT impactor. can't hear what they're saying, but i go outside and can see it in the night sky, getting bigger.


i'm exploring a derelict spaceship post-catastrophe. we hear voices, i have no weapons but mime one with a bulb of ginger. it's just another team of hard-pressed explorers, we exchange goods, food, & paper maps of northern Ontario.


nynaeve & rand/me unleash Satan. he terrorises the world w/deadly pranks, aimed at punishing/shaming me. the only way to save people is to avoid them. i find refuge in a tiny but incredible second-hand bookstore, but leave before it's destroyed. i find @polclarissou@twitter.com using a makeshift computer to project a picture of "the static," since the original project was destroyed. at this i collapse in tears.

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